cool enough to come back for

where have I been!?

seriously. just disappeared!!

oh right. its football season, and i just moved into my new apartment (thanks Mike and Nicole)

so things are good...


and for today. if stuff this cool happened at a baseball game. i would watch...

Can you see the difference between these two pictures...

thats right. They are from different games!

for the first time since I attended OSU, i got to go to two Cowboy games in the same season. and BACK TO BACK!

had a great time at both.

just felt like bragging.

woot!

touchdown!

oh yeah!

you know what time it is!

its time to get phil drunk and let him watch football and hope his team isn't losing or damn he's gonna get loud!

OSU starts Saturday against LaLa. the Ragin Cajun. which still sounds like VD to me.

Me, Jesse, and E are all going. gonna miss the rest of the gang, but dont worry, ill call you when im good and drunk late saturday night so you wont miss me :)

then comes Fantasy Football draft. I like it way too much.

ask Jesse, i bug his ass every day about it. Hell ask D. i used to bug her so much with it.

LOVE football season.

get ready!

allow me to introduce you too...

The Head and The Heart



youre welcome

where i am

date ups...

apartment. check
roommate. check
move in date. Sept. 10
excitement. check check check check

its Steve Martin day. Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers at PAC TONITE!

Ticket to OKState season opener with Jesse and E secured.

no promotion. sad face. opportunity to learn and gain experience at work for next time. happy face.

and if you don't like the muppets, then we cant be friends.



that is all.

until next time...

two of my good friends just moved to Colorado...

I will miss them greatly...
adios Kendra and Ryan. see you soon...

MUSIC

it's all according to plan...

what's that saying about GOD laughing at your plans. I assume he's ROTFL right about now....

wow that was negative. lets try that again...

What's that saying about GOD laughing at your plans? i don't think it's meant as negative as it sounds. cause honestly it kinda makes GOD sound like an ass...

too sacrilegious? bah, i figure he can take a joke. he did create the cast of Jersey Shore, so he must have some sense of humor....

ok, ok, ok. im getting way off point.

as a random point of reference, im currently listening to Lissie's Catching a Tiger album. thanks Ken

I think the point i would like to eventually get to, that im trying so hard to learn right now...

...

...

...is still completely lost on me.

i think its somewhere between not over investing yourself into something blindly to fill some hole, and to be patient with the future. if something is supposed to happen it will. And it's not that my end game has come and gone unsuccessfully. its not that i haven't reached what im aiming for. Its that I cant see how im going to get there. I have to accept that its not in my control. It's out of my hands...

side note: this is not me giving up in any way. Fuck That. When i want something i get it dammit! well i try my damnedest any way...

sorry if im being cryptic. i think the devil is in the details, and right now im not interested in him...

MUSIC

reinterpretation

i think i need to clarify yesterday's post.

I started by saying that there are only two things in my life that i truly regret...

Not having gone back up North, and not having moved to Dallas. allow me to detail the reasons for both of these...

I didn't go back up North for a third straight summer because i was in a relationship with Emily at the time, and didn't go back after OU because i chose to remain in OK and look for a job. As for the other summers i was happy with where i was and in no sort of transition period...

As for Dallas, I chose not to go after OU for the same reason i didn't go up North, trying to be responsible. I haven't gone yet, because up until a month ago, the plan was to eventually move there with D.

let me again continue this by saying i don't regret many things. I don't regret my relationships. I don't regret going to school, and i don't regret staying to job hunt. well that last one is about 90% percent true, but anyways...

My previous post seems to have come across as though i blame these relationships for me not having done these things. That is not the case, and i want that clarified. What i meant to say is that i no longer wish to jump into a relationship with anyone. i now longer want to start a relationship where the plans i have are not understood and either accepted or included into its future.

I am sorry for the misunderstand, and to anyone whose feelings were hurt...

on the other hand, if you don't like what you read on here...

Don't read the blog.

now that that's dealt with... LINK

recalculating route...

on my way home from Dallas this weekend, i got to thinking about regrets. I'm not big on regretting things, in fact there are is very little in life i regret. Sure there are situations i wish i had handled better, or had gone a different way, but I've learned from all of them, so to regret the outcome is to regret knowledge.

I like getting knowledged...

However there are two things in my life I've wanted for some time, and have to obtain them...

I want to go back up North. for those who know about my time in Minnesota, you know how i speak of it. for those unawares. Its my happiest place on earth.

but every summer i have found a reason not to go back. work, school, relationships...

and secondly, its a rather well known fact how much i want to move to Dallas. I haven't done so for similar reasons. work, school, relationships...

namely relationships...

i think its time to decide what it is that i want. and do it.

im making a schedule. im not breaking it for anyone again.

today's musical LINK

decisions in life...

So to be honest i was starting to wonder when the lingering effects of the break up were going to occur. turns out they'd been there the whole time and i didn't know. I was having trouble making decisions...

plans...

changes and choices...

I made plans for the future. They were gone, and suddenly i couldn't decide on anything.

Living situation. Second job. Applying myself...

Then i went to Dallas this weekend with Kendra to visit Jesse Gibson. I found shopping bargains. ate tons of food and drank. met new people. met a girl. and had probably the best time just getting to catch up in the car ride to and from (Stringtown!). And i walked away realizing a few things.

I like my hair-cut. I dont want a second job that will make me miss life. I need to apply for the open producer position and get back to being a ambitious career shark (update: handed it in today!) I want to enjoy life and everything i can from it. If this possible roommate thing doesnt work out by the end of the week, i will take the first apartment in my price range that i like and be happy with it.

things, i think... are looking up.

LINK

DOUBLE LINK    youre welcome :)

(insert clever title about good positive potential here)

lets begin by summing up the weekend simply...

over indulgent.

not in a bad way. Lots to drink. Lots to eat. Lots of people to see. and a few fireworks thrown in equalled a quality weekend. i suddenly wish i took more pictures to share with you all. however, most of you were there...

and good news. Ive been wanting to get a second job for awhile but was really holding out for anything video/production related. i got a call today from a wedding videography company here in town. i start tryouts with a group of other candidates tomorrow night. so heres hoping.

if  get this i owe everyone who let me shoot their weddings a big thank you.

oh and i forgot in the last two. but...

Music Vid Link

the impending weekend...

i really wish i could find a way to remain nothing but positive, but right now it seems that life is filled with up moments continually crashed and held down by crap i cant control, or more conversations i would rather not have...

however, its a new weekend. a July 4th weekend. a weekend of gatherings of old friends. i look forward to it, and all the options presented to me presently. i will have to turn some opportunities down, and to anyone i disappoint with these decisions, let me say im sorry. i appreciate you interest in my company, and i promise i will not be completely absent from you weekend frivolities. but that right now, my focus is me.

thats how i have to be.

thats all i can feel right now.

see you all soon...

fighting the urge...

to start this blog from scratch...

to do something drastic...

to go on a bender...

to make a mistake...

to change everything...

to leave everything...

to emotionally throttle myself...

to just disappear...

to stop everything and just walk away and start anew...

and yet, it has all already happened...

where do i go now. to many questions to answer, and no distraction in sight...